Vicente Fox To The Rescue

Have no fear, Vicente Fox is here. The ex president is just as pissed off at the national team as any other Mexican and he’s taking matters into his own hands.

How will he do it? Will he work as Aguirre’s assistant? Will he donate gobs of money to the federation so they have extra incentive to do their job well? Will he hire and send trannies to the homes of De la Torre and Compean, lead them into a scandal, and get them fired?

No, he wants to put the team into a classroom and let the “motivation experts” work their magic so the team won’t lose anymore. Booor-ing!

The motivation experts are an organization called The Pacific Institute that do motivation programs all over North America. Since Fox is associated with them, he would trust them enough to save the national team.

A little background information from Fox himself:

It’s an educational and formative process that converts people that sometimes feel defeated into winners.

It’s all in the mind. Using your mind with efficiency and better results, and in between it all, it’s motivation, to make winners, out of people that aren’t quite to that level. It’s scientific; it’s not just us talking, this is scientific, they’re educational seminaries, and they’ve been proven to work for 38 years.

I spoke with Justino Compean and since then it’s been our interest and intention to work with football teams and the National Team because The Pacific Institute has well-proven experiences in this subject: in the United States with football teams, with the olympic teams, with swimmers, and with the Guatemalan National Team. We hope to reach an agreement soon”.

And the best example of the seminary in action, Guatemala’s defeat over Mexico last year:

“What happened then is that they didn’t see themselves winning because they didn’t think they could… we arrived and we told them how to hold the team up. We taught them how to be efficient in order to bring out much more, how to work the mind and the way in which they should approach different activities”

Wait, Vicente. We? So you helped Guatemala defeat Mexico? Hmm…

It’s no secret that Fox has always been behind El Tri. In 2002, he invited George W. Bush to watch the USA vs. Mexico match (which Bush didn’t go to because he would be “asleep” at 2am, the jerk). He has also spoken to the team on several occasions, and to several Mexican league teams as well.

What I’m dying to know is what exactly they do during these seminaries. I doubt that they’ll sit the players in a classroom and show them a powerpoint presentation and bore them to death. There has to be hypnotism or something just as twisted to be able to save these guys. My assumption: Vicente Fox will appear on a giant television and give them a scolding of a lifetime, leaving the team into eternal scaredness and at the same time turning them into goalscoring robots. Hopefully Nery is good at swinging hammers.

Whatever they want to do, hope that Fox shows them how to correctly kick the ball, like you can see in the picture above. Fox is quite the renaissance man. Look at that posture.