Ochoa Unfit for Europe from Mole on the Butt, Pippo Inzaghi to Chivas, and Rafa is a Money Whore

The world of Mexican football couldn’t get any crazier than it already has from the past day. Turmoil has gotten a good grasp on our country and has shaken it silly. If you thought Hugo Sanchez getting a job was crazy enough, boy oh boy are you in for a treat.

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Memo Ochoa has been declared “unfit for European football” after discovering the awful “mole on de buttocks” that is reported to have been a hereditary trait in the Ochoa family. According to very reliable sources, Ochoa was in Milan for a charity match and was getting ready for training when he put on his boxers and felt a “bump”. He told one of the trainers about it and everyone laughed. However, he wasn’t allowed to participate in the match and is now back in Mexico City getting his ass checked out.

UEFA found out about this mole and Michel Platini himself called Memo to tell him to (in summary) “take dat shit home, yo”.

My prayers are with you, Memo. Hopefully Man U doesn’t mind moles.

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Filippo Inzaghi, yes, Superpippo is looking forward to a move to Chivas de Guadalajara. Although Chivas are proud of their Mexican-only policy, Pippo told La Gazetta that he received an interesting offer and that he may take it:

La Gazetta: Pippo, so how much do you love Milan?

Inzaghi: I love it, but to be honest there is a “beating” problem here in the club. Ancelloti (Milan manager) has purchased a paddle that he hits us with when we mess up. Players like Kaka, Maldini, Dinho come out of practice untouched but he almost broke my leg after I tried shooting a free kick! (laughs) I received an interesting offer from Chivas in Mexico, surprising because they only have Mexicans on their team. They’re desperate to win silverware, and I might accept their offer because I love Mexican food. The best part, Chivas are incapable of beating anyone.

My prayers are with you, Pippo.

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Rafa Marquez admits that he is “in it for the money”.

A regular starter for Barcelona and captain of Mexico, Marquez has established himself as one of the best defenders in the world. Marquez has always been known to be quiet and humble, but at a press conference for his Rafa Marquez Fragrance, he accidentally admitted something shocking…

Reporter: What is this Barcelona team going for? More specifically, what’s your role in the team and what do you feel that you been in this team for?

Rafa: The money. I mean, I mean success and trophies. Excuse me everyone, I need to go in the back. Don’t write down what I just said either.

Rafa then drove home and is expected to begin training on Money, I mean Monday.

My prayers are with you, Rafa.

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I hope that you all have a great Dia De los Inocentes, the Mexican version of April Fools. And happy holidays, and all that good stuff.

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